


Acrophobia

by Chaussette_et_Chaussures



Series: Reforged [1]
Category: Transformers (Bay Movies), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Action/Adventure, Cannibalism, Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, F/M, Fake Science, Gen, Genetic Engineering, Hero Worship, Implied/Referenced Dubious Consent, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Other, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Science Experiments, Self-Discovery, Sideswipe is thirsty, Unhealthy Relationships, most of these tags do not apply to sideswipe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-29
Updated: 2018-11-11
Packaged: 2019-07-18 23:42:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16129130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chaussette_et_Chaussures/pseuds/Chaussette_et_Chaussures
Summary: Everyone has secrets to hide, sins to atone for, and memories they would rather forget. But some pasts are harder than others to escape.The almost 10 year rewrite of the fanfic I wrote in highschool. Follows the path of an OC. Bayverse canon will be altered, and different tie in books will be included into the material.





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Last night they had a showing of The Transformers The Movie (1986) at one of my local theaters, and let me tell you I have been dragged back into Transformers hell.
> 
> So about 10 years ago now I actually got seriously into the Transformers franchise, and created the longest piece of literature that I to date still have not been able to match. I decided to reread it and oh my god it was absolutely awful, but I saw the potential it had... so I copied it down and am now remastering it here. So much of the characterization was done wrong and in the style of Michael Bay, and this OC has changed more than any other I have created... even more than Umaan.
> 
> I wanted a chance to tell her tale as it should have been told. (but I was like 15-17 at the time so... understandable I guess haha if only I could cut myself some slack for that... in trying to avoid creating a mary-sue I created the biggest one of all)
> 
> However I am no longer 15 and no longer have a fear of such things... just a fear of god-awful writing.

_“l understand your pain, little one.”_ Talons piercing deep into his armored hide. Glaive angled under his chin. Optics full of pity.

He regarded her with fear, body lurching as she clenched her toes…. She felt his energon seep around them. She was dragging it out. She knew she was.

“Y-you know n… noth….” He gurgled through the energon.

His meaning was simple enough to understand. Why are you doing this?

She had always prided herself in her brutal efficacy. A quick strike, pierce the spark with her glaive; Simple, quick, clean. The work before her was messy; part of his leg forty feet away, left arm ripped from his shoulder, and flung halfway across the field, energon spilled wastefully all around her.

 

 _A sloppy job_.

 

She gave a final shove and extricated her foot from the mech before her, squatting down to look at him more closely. Expression inscrutable. He was wrong of course. She understood all too well. His optics were filled with fear. Death loomed so close on his horizon.

“You are here because you made poor choices.” Her voice was level as she grasped his chin, forcing him to meet her gaze.

“Is that…. How y-you just… ify your actions?” He heaved out.

He had made a bold mistake in raiding the weapons cache. It was only logical that he be punished…. Only logical that those who committed infractions were punished…. Only logical….

He managed to laugh despite everything. A bitter, humorless laugh. “O-of course you… you do. How cou… could a mons-ster like you ev-ever understa...nd, V-Virigo?”

Her grip on her weapon tightened… mirroring the feeling in her spark. Monster… Yes. That label was appropriate was it not? But this was nothing compared to what was about to come…. _He_ had been right. When had his predictions faltered? There was no escape. Not for the mech. Not for Virigo.

And killing the mech before her now… “They want me to kill you, you know.”

His jaw opened and closed silently a few times before he whispered. “... I don’t want to die.”

She gazed at him coolly before closing her optics and standing up.

 

* * *

 

 

It had been two years since the Allspark and Megatron had both been destroyed by a human child. In one foolish, well-meaning, ignorant swoop, the hopes of bringing Cybertron back to life anytime soon, let alone restoring the cybertronian population to any sane level, was irreparably crushed. The thought of it all would have made Vertigo laugh had it not been so depressing as she took to the skies above Diego Garcia.

A projectile flew past her nose, just missing it as she quickly veered to the side, dropping in altitude as another nearly hit her cockpit.

"No readiness check?" She asked, amusement tinting her voice.

"The 'Cons sure as hell won't give you one." Replied Ironhide gruffly, shooting a rocket. "Besides, that _was_ your readiness check."

She hummed in response, doing a half turn, flying sideways to avoid a stream of bullets.

The femme performed a complex series of loops as Ironhide shot a missile at her, but it continued its pursuit, staying right on her tail. She went into a steep climb, cutting her engines once she reached five thousand feet. Plummeting to Earth her engines roared to life once more as slugs came in for the metaphorical kill. She rolled, dove and shot across the ocean's surface like a speeding arrow, wing tip skimming the water.

There was no feeling quite like flying; The wind whistling past her, the freedom it presented, the thrill of higher speeds than any ground vehicle could attain. The femme spun around, and headed directly for Ironhide shooting at him. He pulled to the side at the last minute, the practice rounds painting the pavement a lovely shade of chartreuse. The older mech nearly landed a round on her dorsal side, lavender paint instead marking the trunk of a nearby palm tree.

Another volley rained down from the air as she transformed for a few seconds to aim at him before reverting back to her alt-mode. His stark black armor now sporting a few splotches of bright green and orange.

“Splashback from hitting the pavement does not count!” Growled Ironhide, tagging the tip of her tail wing with a bit of periwinkle.

Vertigo matched the next projectile, a multicolored cloud of paint cloud of paint erupting in the air.

Realizing the opportunity presented by the cloud-limited sight, Ironhide unleashed the last of his practice rounds at once. A barrel roll reversing itself midway through, a diagonal loop, a steep climb followed by an even steeper corkscrew dive only to pull up at the last possible moment, tail fin partially submerged told her that nearly all of the old mech's arsenal had been dodged, the periwinkle paint now washed away. Another barrel roll and a loop around showed her that unless she wanted to deal with live rounds, her training run was done for now.

"That was an impressive show of skill," Came a voice from inside her head; a transmission from her leader. "On both of your parts."

"Thank you." She replied, all doubts purged from her cranial processor as she twirled through the air, savoring the feel of the air flowing over her wings.

It was then that she noticed a small audience had gathered near the entrance to the hangar; Most of them drawn there by the sound of explosions. Soft fleshy humans in awe of their metallic counterparts... full of fear and envy. Vertigo transformed in mid-air, landing on the paved strip, wings flared to steady herself as she came to a stop. She raised her hand to wipe away some of the paint spray that had gotten on her right shoulder and settled into the deep scars on the plate. The femme hadn't wanted it repaired. The Autobot symbol stood boldly out on her other shoulder plate, gold contrasting nicely with her matte black finish. Her blue optics watched the small crowd recede back into the confines of the shelter as she turned to face the large semi that was their leader. Her leader.

When she had left, Vertigo had not known what to expect. Had not known anything beyond the small, sheltered world she had grown up in.

"It is good to see you adjusting so well to the team.” He had transformed, kind optics regarding her thoughtfully.

The ease with which she found herself fitting into the team surprised her as well. It was nothing like her birth place, nothing like the place she had once called home….

"O-of course, Optimus Prime," She responded quickly, giving him a nod.

He chuckled, "Your passion is a welcome sight."

Perhaps in another life, Vertigo would have beamed; she wasn’t sure that her faceplates even could anymore, but she did feel a small smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

_When had she become so eager to please?_

Optimus Prime was silent for a moment, "You should recharge. You have a long journey tomorrow."

“Of course, Optimus Prime.” Vertigo replied with a light bow before transforming and heading inside of the hangar.

She found a relatively human-free corner and settled there reverting back into her bipedal form. For a few moments she watched the humans scurry around. Vertigo still didn’t quite know how to feel about the Autobot-NEST partnership. There were too many variables. Too many things that could go wrong. The humans had no stake in their war other than to prevent that war from ravaging the Earth as well. But their memories were even shorter than their lives, who was to say they wouldn’t conveniently forget their ties with the Autobots. Once the decepticons were dealt with, what would prevent them from turning on those they now called allies.

But if Optimus Prime trusted them, then she she would too…. At least for now.

Vertigo sighed, curling up and resting her forehead on her knees, shuttering her optics and attempting to rest.

 

Stasis had just begun to claim her when she felt someone plop down next to her. “That was some gorgeous flying out there.” Vertigo attempted to ignore the silver mech much too close to her than was comfortable, but he didn’t go away. Instead he just chuckled and scooted closer. “I know you’re still awake, sweetspark. Your antennae relax a lot more when you’re recharging.”

He nudged her side, and she lashed out, her talons latching onto Sideswipe’s thigh and clenching threateningly while she glared at him.

“ _Ow!_ ”

“We are teammates, nothing more.” She hissed, “Now leave me, I have much to do tomorrow.”

“Your mouth says ‘leave’, but those talons still clinging to me cry ‘stay’.”

Vertigo shoved him as far as her leg would allow, releasing him before transforming into her alt-mode. Not the most comfortable way to recharge but if it meant cutting their interaction even a little bit shorter then it would be worth the stiffness.

“So cranky when you’re tired… okay, okay I’ll let you recharge now without any interruptions.”

Where Optimus was a beacon of light, the one who pushed the “This is a bad idea” thoughts out of her head, Sideswipe was the one who made her doubt her decision…. arrogant, headstrong, volatile a dangerous combination... but those second thoughts was a little late now… weren’t they. That bridge had been burned when she had left it all behind to pursue this crazy plan. Before she had landed on the Earth. Before she had joined Optimus Prime. But so far nothing was going according to that plan... they hadn't given her enough material to anticipate any of this. It was downright terrifying seeing who these autobots were compared to who she had been. If they had known....

But they didn't. And they wouldn't... she thought as she drifted off.

  



	2. Flight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing like a quick trip to the Arctic

 

Flight came to her naturally. Shooting through the clouds was what she had been designed to do. The sun glinting off of her matte-black stealth design, speeds approaching Mach 2, she was the only thing out there for miles. Vertigo had already passed through the Japanese NEST base, stopping to refuel once. The journey was long, spanning about 42 hours.

Human culture was fascinating to the young Cybertronian... they were such a diverse species. Each group had their own customs, language, way of life not unlike their cybertronian counterparts... though to a much greater degree. She enjoyed their music and art, their great philosophers and poets, and the mythology that she had been able to access from the internet, and the femme had to admit that they had started growing on her. She was told that Jazz had been a little like that too. She had never gotten a chance to know him.

Vertigo flicked through several radio stations, pausing every now and then when she heard a particularly engaging piece, and wondered what music must have sounded like back on Cybertron... She had heard some of her race humming, singing even… but wasn't quite sure if that would be considered music in the same way. Many Cybertronians that she had met hummed merely as a form of communication. Especially seekers. And she had seen no sort of musical instrument.

While she had extensive knowledge on certain cultural aspects of her race- the rise of functionalism, the foundation of the empurada punishment, the cold-constructed apartheid, the beginnings of the war, the detailed mythos surrounding the allspark and how cybertron came to be- the arts were not one of the things that had been deemed necessary enough to include in her training. She resolved to ask someone about this the next opportunity that presented itself.

Spotting a cluster of submarines near the surface of the water, the triple changer let herself gradually loose altitude, coming up on her destination; the Arctic circle. The large ballistic submarines were idle, half submerged. "This is NEST reconnaissance-1AV Vertigo requesting your status report." She transmitted through the crew's radio.

"NEST SSBN-Ohio Captain Taylor Melbourne. It's all clear down here, no unusual activity to report." The captain responded to her call. “I’m sending the report to you now. Sectors 1-5 reporting strong currents, NBE-1 has drifted from the original drop point by 2 meters east southeast. No traces of decepticon activity.”

"Good, though I must admit that I doubt Starscream would be caught dead here." Vertigo said. She received the report, reviewing it on her HUD and forwarding it to Optimus Prime. Captain Taylor Melbourne was thorough. Vertigo could appreciate that. "So, Captain Taylor Melbourne, how are you hanging?"

"It's 'how's it hanging'." Chuckled the human through her comm.

"Oh... right." She noted, keeping that in mind for future conversational endeavours.

"I finally have some leave scheduled for September, get to see my family. It’s gonna be great. Jodi apparently lost her first tooth. How about you, Vertigo? Settling into Earth life just fine?"

"It’s taken some getting used to, but yes. The weather aspect is especially interesting… I’m not used to rain. It’s nice but it’s strange having to make sure I get dry so frequently." She began scanning the surrounding ocean, noticing several gigantic organic blips on her radar. Further investigation revealed it as a pod of whales, nothing that was out of the ordinary. "What fascinating creatures you have here… The life on this world is strange but beautiful. I am glad that I can experience this."

It was silent for a moment before he responded, "Yeah, I guess Earth is pretty amazing."

"Indeed..." She sent another transmission out. "Optimus Prime, I have reached the drop-point. I will continue with standard procedure."

"Understood," His voice replied in her head. "I will await further transmissions."

The information flowed freely from her processor along the link, including visuals and radar scans. Vertigo continued along the perimeter flying a few full circuits around the laurentian abyss. Not detecting the presence of any decepticons after the fifth circuit, she bid farewell to the Captain and began to head back to Diego Garcia. "I am heading back. ETA is another 16.8 hours if I continue at my current velocity."

"We will see you then. Take care, Vertigo." Came the Autobot leader's reply.

A frustrated sigh escaped her vocal processor, keeping the link intact. "Still... _nothing_." She muttered.

"Patience, Vertigo. We will find them soon. " Optimus told her, baritone voice remaining level.

"But when...?" She asked softly, "There is a high likelihood that there will be casualties... This war has already gone on for far too long. I do not want this to become endless should they revive him, if he truly is as hungry for war as you say he is."

"That will not happen-"

Vertigo cut him off, "But what if it _does?_ "

"Even if we are unable to reach peace now, this war cannot continue on forever." The Autobot leader continued, despite having been interrupted.

She was silent, wondering how the mech was able to maintain his demeanour of equanimity even after fighting for so long. The war could not last forever, he was correct, but if it went on much longer, it would only end with the extinction of the cybertronian race. "You and I both know what is at stake here if we cannot. The loss of life has already been astronomical..." She trailed off, watching the water race under her.

"I understand, but I have come to learn that death will _always_ be a part of war... it is inescapable. All we can do is work to minimize the suffering of those depending on us, and learning from our past mistakes. The road ahead will be difficult, and at times it will be troubling, but I have faith in your abilities and intentions. You are not your creator, Vertigo." He explained gently. "You are no longer his possession, and you cannot be held accountable for all of the suffering he has caused."

The femme remained silent for a few moments, allowing his words to sink in. "... Thank you, Optimus Prime..." She murmured. "... I am sorry for cutting you off earlier, it was not justifiable."

"I was not offended by your outburst. This transition has been difficult for you, it is understandable for you to be on edge." Came his placating response.

"Thank you. I am not sure where I would be now if you had not accepted me, Optimus Prime." His patience… his charisma. So completely different from everything she had been used to. She had seen videos of his speeches, heard of his magnetism, but never had she imagined how… _powerful_ he would be.

Not his strength, though that was impressive, but his force of personality. She didn’t think she would be so taken in… swept up into the autobot ideals. Freedom. Loyalty. Kindness. Vertigo had known the meaning of these words. Hoped that they would reign true one day. But experiencing it all first hand had been a bit overwhelming. Vertigo was genuinely thankful to serve alongside the last Prime. She often found herself wondering how she had survived without his guidance or understanding before.

He had opened up her mind so much to the world around her… The idea of compassion for all living things. Before meeting him, she hadn’t particularly cared about the life forms on Earth. Sure they were interesting, but interesting and useful were not always bedfellows; Now she hardly thought about their uses, Vertigo actively wanted them not to die. Not that she had wanted them to die before of course… but she just hadn’t _cared._

She still didn’t trust them. She had seen their history, saw what they were currently doing  to their own.

But there was something in them that was charming.

"As I have said before, it is unwise to dwell on the past or hypotheticals. Neither will do much other than deteriorate one's sanity. Allowing them to pollute your thoughts would be foolish." Replied Optimus. "Fly safely. We will see you when you arrive."

"Indeed." The transmission ended. Her wings drooped slightly, disgruntled sigh rippling through her lithe form.

The sun had set earlier- Vertigo admiring the vivid display of colors as it did of course- casting the world into an unending darkness with only the stars to break the monotony. Their reflection on the water gave the illusion of an unending expanse of space. This was her favorite time of each day, the dark of midnight. Although it reminded her of Mars, the inky black of an Earth night was somehow more hospitable, and when combined with the expanse of an ocean it created an otherworldly beauty that was unmatchable. The crisp night air drifted over her armour chilling her in a most pleasant way. This was how she had always wanted to remember life… not pain, not suffering, not war. But images of peace.

For hours Vertigo's flight continued. She was thankful to be a cybertronian on these long flights, any human craft would have run out of energy a while ago. The femme had not needed to refuel for this portion of the flight, trusting her reserves to take her back to Diego Garcia. Ratchet may have developed a synthetic energon substitute, but supplies were still limited. Still rationed out just as true energon had been all of her life.

By the time dawn arrived she almost regretted not stopping at the Japanese base to take a reprieve from the discomfort of extended time in her human vessel alt-mode. She was feeling stiff from maintaining her alt mode for so long. She didn't understand how so many of the Autobots could do it. It was borderline torture. Chancing the risk of being seen, she transformed quickly, stretching her servos briefly before refolding herself into a Raptor. Diego Garcia showed up on her radar after a few more hours.

"This is NEST Reconnaissance-1AV Vertigo,” She radioed in, reciting the landing code, “Requesting permission to land."

"This is NEST Outpost Alpha, we hear you Vertigo, permission to land granted."

"Understood," Vertigo Did not understand all of the protocols that involved humans… designed for security yet so easily obtained that she doubted its effectiveness, but if her leader followed them, then she would as well. The paved landing strip loomed before her. Landing lightly she transformed, rolling her shoulders and flaring her wings, working out the stiffness, and headed into the hangar.

"Hey, Beautiful." Came Sideswipe's usual greeting. She let out a noise of exasperation.

"Not again..." She muttered to herself.

"So I was thinking, we should really spend more time together." He continued, "We have a lot in common. I'm fast, you're fast, I'm gorgeous, you're gorgeous-"

She interrupted him, frown forming on her lip plates as she looked around the hangar, avoiding glancing at the silver mech. "Where is Optimus Prime?" The distinct lack of the much larger Cybertronian was easily noted in such a small area.

Sideswipe grimaced, placing his powerful hands onto his hips. "Why do you always have to bring him up when I talk to you?" Distress tinted his vocals, though it was very faint.

"That is not an appropriate answer for the question given," Vertigo replied dryly. She scanned around the hangar, curiosity striking her. "Though in all seriousness... where is he?"

"The humans called a meeting about 20 minutes ago, I would assume that he's there." Trying to bring back the subject he was first speaking about he added, "So, as I was saying-"

The femme walked away from him, wings flaring out in an aggressive stance from their position on her back. "No. I have made it clear to you that I do not wish to be involved with you, further efforts will be just as futile."

Sideswipe shrugged, "I just think that it's irrational for you to deny that we were made for each other."

She shook her head in exasperation, attempting to convey her frustration with the silver male. "There is a war going on... there is no time for this-"

"Vertigo," Vertigo heard Optimus' voice in her head. "We have possibly located Starscream."

Her voice trailed off, and she began sifting through the databursts transmitted to her, anxiety flooding her systems as she realized what this meant. He was on Earth now… but he had not revealed himself. He was not here to negotiate peace.

Her gaze drifted towards the ground, frown deepening.

 

 _Do not be fooled, he serves his own agenda just as any other leader does. After all, he’s just as complicit in this war, is he not?_ His voice had been gentle as his faced the stars before finally looking at her, expression almost impassive save the sharp gleam in his optics.

 

“-Vertigo are you listening to me?” Sideswipe’s hand gripped her shoulder, drawing her from her thoughts, concern evident on his features. “Hey, are you okay?”

Vertigo drew back from his touch as though burned. “I am fine.”

“You don’t have to be strong with me you know…. Besides, everything is going to be okay… sure Starscream is powerful, but he’s no Megatron. I’ve got your back. You don’t have to be afraid of him.” His smile was gentle, not the cocky grin he usually wore.

“You are right… He is not Megatron.” She turned away from him, optics distant. “But you would be a fool to underestimate him.”

Her communicator chimed in her audio receptors signalling a direct comm from Optimus Prime. “Heed my warning, Sideswipe.” Was her farewell as Vertigo headed off. Her leader no doubt had things he wanted to discuss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :3


	3. Awkward Situations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Discomfort follows Vertigo around like a plague.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which we incorporate a tie in book for the movies.

“There is not much I can tell you that you do not already know.” Vertigo crossed her arms, staring at the ground. “He was was second in command to Megatron, and is captain of the command trine and commander over Megatron’s air forces. He is powerful, cunning, manipulative, and ambitious though can in many ways be called cowardly. He is selfish, egotistical, and he cares for no one but himself. What else is there to say about him?” 

Optimus nodded, optics watching her carefully.

Arms crossed.

Head down, avoiding his optics.

Wings straight along her back.

Stereotypical closed off posture. The triple changer was withholding something. He needed only to nudge her in the right direction. 

“You served under him,” It was almost imperceptible, but he caught her flinch, the minute twitch of her face plates, the way her claws barely clenched for a microsecond. “Your knowledge is crucial to ending this war, Vertigo.”

The way her face fell at his words, expression now doleful rather than simply stoic, told him that it wasn’t malicious.

“I am sorry, my Prime.” Vertigo still did not look at him. “You have my word that I will do everything in my power to defeat him, but you have been fighting him for longer than I have even been alive. What I can tell you is that he is not alone in the struggle for power within the decepticon ranks… Not everyone is willing to fight for him. It might be possible to exploit that.”

“Thank you, Vertigo. I appreciate your efforts.” Optimus placed a hand on her shoulder but withdrew it when she flinched, no longer concealed. It wasn’t everything she could say, but it was enough for now.

“I will do my best to be of service to you and your cause, Optimus Prime.” She bowed to him.

She didn’t need to, but he understood how hierarchy among the decepticons frequently worked, and he knew how obsessive Starscream could be with it.

"Will you accompany us, Vertigo?" Optimus asked her gently after a moment.

Vertigo straightened her posture, looking confident. "Yes." She seemed determined, but the Autobot leader could see the anxiety and doubt gnawing at her processors. For a split second he wondered if he was making the right decision asking her to come along. As he had told her, the Prime had been observing her actions from the moment that she joined the Autobots on Earth. At the mere mention of Starscream her optics would become unfocused and her movements skittish. Optimus trusted her.  But there was a war going on, he could not always shelter her. Vertigo was attuned to Starscream's movements, reasoning, and, now that Megatron was gone, could hold to be a deciding factor in ending this battle. This war. 

His decision was the right one.

"We will be leaving for Zambia at 0400 hours." He placed a large silver armored hand on her shoulder, avoiding the scars lurking beneath the surface. She flinched again, trying but failing to be discrete, and he quickly removed the offending appendage. "Go recharge, you'll need your energy."

She managed a smile, cerulean optics locking with his own. "Yes, sir." Her voice was soft, deep flanged tones carrying with them weariness.

Optimus blinked, nodding to her in turn. Then the Prime turned, leaving the young femme to her own devices.

 

Vertigo stared after him for a moment… feeling a vague discomfort; Something itching just under her dermal plating.  _ She was doing the right thing… wasn’t she?  _ After all, how could she prove her loyalty to the autobots if she didn’t fight against the current leader of the decepticons.

Transforming into her terrestrial alt mode she headed over to the corner where Ironhide had begun to stockpile the synthetic energon that Ratchet had created from whatever he could, fossil fuels, solar, and hydroelectric power were the mainstay on this island though everyone knew Ratchet was hoping to have access to nuclear soon. "Would you mind if I stay here until we leave?" She asked the weapons specialist.

"I don't have a problem with it," Replied the older transformer, casting her an apathetic look as he took a swig from the cube in his hands.  With any luck, she would be able to rest unperturbed.

 

The femme shuddered, settling down as best as she could; finding the prospect of stasis to be welcome. However her processors were still reeling, refusing to let her body recharge as fully as it should have. The mere thought of facing Starscream again sent a wave of dread through her. The thought of him even seeing her, feeling her presence was enough to make the black siding of the mustang ripple with her fear. Why hadn't she refused to accompany them on the mission in the first place? Optimus would have understood. He always understood... even when she couldn't. That was why they all followed his instructions.

But, she hadn't refused and now she had to deal with her decisions. All of them. This was the path that Vertigo had chosen for herself and whatever happened she promised herself not to fail the Autobots, Optimus, or the humans that she had grown fond of….

 

_ “Again.” His voice was sharp. _

_ She grasped her sword tighter, taking a low stance, talons digging into the ground below her as she watched him warily. Circling around him, she analyzed him for any weak point. Sword raised in her right hand, blade outward, tip pointed toward him, side facing to create a smaller window of opportunity, wings folded neatly along her back, she looked poised for a fight. His posture in turn was relaxed, swords pointed toward the ground, arms loose. It was infuriating. _

_ He sighed and rolled his optics. “Are you waiting for me to rust, Virigo? That’ll take you out of schedule adherence and we can’t have that now can-” She lunged at him, aiming for his knee joint. His blades met her own in a flash, optics filled with vicious delight, “-we.” _

_ He shoved her back, retaliating with a jab at her shoulder. _

_ No. A feint. _

_ She moved to parry the one blade, twisting to avoid the second. It barely skimmed her waist. _

_ He was close now, and she went to headbutt him. He jumped back but she followed, gripping the sword with both hands and swinging it in a wide arc. His blades met her own, bracing himself against the momentum. _

_ Virigo took the opportunity and spun, sparks flying from the swords as they grated together, leg coming up to smack him in the middle of his chassis. He was thrown momentarily off balance by the impact. _

_ But his recovery was quick as he grasped her leg and pulled her closer. His elbow came crashing down in the middle of her back, knocking the femme face down into the ground. _

_ She groaned, bracing her palms against the floor to get up, but he rolled her onto her front; one foot came down to press on her chest, sword at her throat. _

_ “Better, but your movements are still too large. It makes them clumsy and easy to predict. It might work on some of the opponents you’ve faced, but I’ve been at this for millenia. Most of those tactics won’t work here.” He let her up, hoisting her to her feet. His clawed hand closed around hers drawing it up to his chassis, mouth curling into a smirk. “You’re going to be buffing this out later as a prize for improved performance.” _

_ Virigo stifled her snickering behind her other hand, “That sounds more like a prize for you, Starscream.” _

_ He just gave her a cheeky grin, “Well I  _ did _ win.” _

 

A nudge from Ironhide jolted Vertigo from her slumber. She unfolded herself, a shudder rippling through her servos as she took a moment to orient herself. The memory had only been of battle tactics she could use against him… It was the only reason it had come to her.

"Time already?" She asked anxiously, helm twisting up so that she could gaze at the large mech.

Ironhide nodded, letting out a deep grunt. "The C-17s will be here momentarily."

Her optics widened, frown claiming her sharp features. "I am not flying?"

"No," Replied another voice from behind her. The triple changer spun around to face her leader, visor plates rising in confusion. "You will need to conserve your energy. You know that Starscream is a worthy opponent. Also the likelihood of other decepticons with him is extremely high. It is best that you do not fly there unaided."

"Oh... right..." Just hearing the words issuing from his mouth was enough to make the seriousness of the situation hit her like a punch from Devastator. The sound of wheels hitting the runway made the gravity of her situation settle in even more, and the darkly armored femme began to fidget; shifting her weight from foot to foot. There was no turning back as she approached the C-17. Optimus followed closely behind her, doing his best to transmit a sense of confidence to her. She cast a glance at him, "I will be fine." Murmured the femme softly, doing her best to smile... she knew it must have looked strained.

He nodded. 

Refolding herself into her terrestrial alt-mode she entered the large aircraft. The muscle car pulled in, parking parallel to the barrier opposite the opening, and the Autobot leader slid in after her, followed by Ratchet, Ironhide, Salvage, and Beachbreak.

"I hate cramped spaces..." Vertigo stated as the boarding ramp lifted back to close the gaping entrance to the aircraft's interior.

"It will be over soon enough," Reasoned Optimus. He noticed her mirrors twitching. Again, the question ran through his processors:  _ Would she be able to cope with this mission? _ Vertigo was strong and nothing less than valiant in her efforts. She had dealt with much more than anyone should have. But how much would it take to throw her over the edge? To make her crack? Of that he was unsure.

It was silent for a moment as the crew checked and rechecked the transport. Vertigo took that time to analyze the area. There were four humans on board with them. She could name only two of them: Lennox and Epps. The other two were complete strangers to her. A blond haired, fair skinned male and a darker haired Asian female. She could tell that the female seemed to be quite interested in her.

"Hello," The human said to her in an accent Vertigo recognized as Japanese. She walked closer to the femme, "I don't believe we have met. I am Dr. Ishihara Kaminari."

"I am Vertigo." Replied the Cybertronian. "Not to sound rude, but why are you joining us? I do not recognize you."

Kaminari laughed, "My government sent me here to study the Autobots. I am part of NEST."

"I see," Vertigo responded.

"Would you be offended if I were to ask you a few questions?" The human inquired, dark eyes lighting up with her curiosity. The femme could see the intrigue rolling off of her human counterpart in waves.

"Probably not," admitted the transformer. "Proceed."

She seemed ecstatic, barely containing her excitement. "Thank you! Your species is so fascinating! Your voice is more feminine than the other Autobots that I have worked with. Does this mean that you are a female in comparison? Do you have defined sexes, or is it more of a coincidence that some of you sound more feminine than others?"

Vertigo was stunned by the human's boldness, but supposed it made sense. "I am a femme... and gender presentation itself is a choice for everyone, but this was how I was created if that is what you are asking. But from the question you have asked I believe you are asking me if my biology is different from those of my 'male' counterparts, am I correct?" When the woman nodded, Vertigo continued. "It is not quite so simple as that… There are some differences, but the biological differences between fliers and nonfliers is far greater than that of mechs and femmes as a whole I suppose."

The human female's eyes widened, smile threatening to crack her face. "Fascinating!" Kaminari exclaimed. "Does this mean that you reproduce sexually?"

The question struck Vertigo off guard and she hesitated. "Um, there are a couple of different ways to reproduce... We can clone ourselves which was, and still is, a common occurrence among the Decepticon ranks in order to increase numbers. Genetic degradation is, unfortunately, an inescapable outcome of this and why it is not a particularly sustainable method. The main method of reproduction for our species was when a wave from the Allspark ignited hotspots to create sparks and in turn bring forth new life. It is much more difficult now that the Allspark has been destroyed. There were those who were constructed cold; bodies built before being brought to life with a cultured spark as well….” That was how  _ he _ had been created, and he had made sure Vertigo knew it. She felt Optimus tense beside her. “Under very certain circumstances we can be recycled, but, again, without the Allspark that will be virtually impossible now... Or..." She trailed off, trying to find the right words. "As you stated before... yes, for all intents and purposes we can reproduce as you humans say... sexually." The femme winced as the words slipped from her vocal processor. Dear Primus,  _ why _ would the human seek answers from her instead of Ratchet?

The foreign scientist was enraptured, oblivious to the embarrassment radiating off of the femme. "Does that mean that  _ you  _ could essentially reproduce with any of the males on base? What do the offspring look like? How does mating even work in a mechanical species such as the Autobots?"

Vertigo decided that she should have just remained quiet and ignored the small organic when she'd had the chance. Today was not her best for decision making. 

She could tell that the questions had put Optimus on guard; which was understandable considering the condition in which she had first arrived in. "Sparklings are our offspring. They are small and particularly fragile. Mates... how do I explain such things...?" She paused, accessing the internet for information before continuing with, “It’s a little more complex and much rarer than your reproductive tendencies….” Rare because not everyone could do it. A carrier was needed. Only a carrier’s spark could collect the correct information during a spark merge to properly create a fragment… And without the Allspark…. Vertigo’s spark sank. 

"I do not feel comfortable explaining explicit cybertronian reproduction. Please direct any further questions on the subject to our Chief Medical Officer Ratchet." She stated simply. She owed nothing to this human.

Kaminari seemed to realize the awkwardness of the situation, "I'm sorry if I offended you. I was just very curious after hearing that there was a distinct male and female-"

"It is fine... though the distinction is vague at best." The triple changer sighed, trying to forget that she had just had this conversation. "Ratchet is much more qualified to explain about sparking and sparklings than I am. I would prefer not to discuss that matter further."

"Of course." The scientist jotted down some notes on her tablet, before looking at Vertigo once more. “But one last question... may I ask how were you created?”

Vertigo was taken aback. That was highly inappropriate…and asked in front of others no less. 

“I think that is enough questions for one day, Dr. Ishihara.” Optimus cut in gently. “That is a very delicate question in our culture.”

One that had determined social class.

One that had caused wars.

The scientist’s eyes widened, mouth agape. “Oh! I did not realize that. I did not mean to be impolite.” She bowed fervently, “If I had known I would not have asked, please forgive my rudeness.”

“You are forgiven.” Vertigo replied after a few moments. “You could not have known unless told.”

It was something that she thought about often… she knew how she was created, but she wondered how that would have been received before the war. Would she have been considered cold constructed… or something worse?

Vertigo tried to suppress those thoughts, changing the subject in an attempt to lighten the tense atmosphere. "So, who is your companion? I do not remember seeing him either."

The woman looked over to the man that Vertigo had mentioned. "That is Petr Andronov. He is a leader in mechanical and artificial intelligence from Russia."

"I find it amusing how humans often count mechanical intelligence to be artificial as if they are the only sentient beings out there. Our species predates yours by billions of years...." Vertigo remarked blandly. “Is not your DNA the same as any other code, simply written in carbon?”

The human smiled knowingly, "I can understand your contempt for such a thought. I would certainly be upset if someone were to consider me lower than themselves."

It was quiet once more, allowing Vertigo to analyze her thoughts. She perused through whatever information came to her about Zambia; a rural area of Africa. What would Starscream want there? The geography of the place did little to aid her processors in solving her problem. There was a large river there, the Victoria falls, safari, very few towns and a large dam. 

 

_ What does Starscream want more than anything right now?  _

 

The answer was simple. Security. He wanted to cripple the Autobots... render them incapable of functioning. To do that he would need followers powerful enough to defeat a Prime; or at least he would need to handicap the Autobots and force them into hiding, into a position where human governments would deny them refuge. To do so he would need to produce something that would damage the general public and make it seem that the Autobots were unable to defend the humans or stop the Decepticons. But what...?

 

_ You were created for a purpose.  _

 

Vertigo pushed that thought from her mind, taking in a deep breathe. She was in control now, not him. Not simply a creation to be flaunted, but someone with thoughts and desires beyond her initial programming. A desire to prove herself worthy of her Prime’s trust.


	5. The Zambezi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Autobots arrive in Zambia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to upload... My life is kind of busy. Got two different d&d games going on. (not that I think anyone's actually reading this lol... this is mostly just self indulgent stuff)
> 
> Also I've been studying linguistics (and latin) so I can actually come up with cybertronian language.

Rolling out of the loading bay, Vertigo was hit with a wave of heat. Very little moisture in the air; quite different from the heat back at Diego Garcia…. More like the heat she had felt on Mars. The red brown earth of the runway was coarse under her tires; she could feel it already beginning to get under her plating. She would need a thorough wash after this mission was over, she already knew it. It was all so very similar to Mars... but unlike the lifeless planet this place was teeming with life. The earth was covered with long brittle grass, insects and small mammals finding refuge from the sun and predators in it. A buzzard circled above them, grey plumage shining in the daylight.

The sun touched the ground casting long thin shadows that seemed to stretch out as if to grab her. Trees were sparse and dwarfed, probably shorter even than some of the palm trees back at the base. In the distance, a herd of elephants gathered around one such tree, pulling off leaves and branches with their elongated noses.  

A strange, unique plain of stunted trees filled with bizarre animals with horns, trunks, gigantic necks, and rock-like skins; It was fascinating. She hoped she would get to see a Verreaux’s eagle in flight before the end of the trip. They were quite beautiful, and they would likely be heading north from here… there was a chance.

In a place such as this, a sleek muscle car would seem out of place… who would drive such a vehicle down unpaved, dusty roads. A color change was in order. Allowing her circuits to heat up, she felt as though a gentle wave were washing over her exterior. Starting with the hood, the metal began to turn a dull unsanded gray. It soon spread over her entire guise, her front left fender was a darker shade of hematite. Around the edges of her exterior she allowed a red rust brown to creep up her sides.

"How did you just do that?" Kaminari asked the now dull mustang. "I was taught that autobots must scan a vehicle before changing into something different. Even color."

Vertigo's voice resonated from under the hood. "I hardly imagine your people could know all there is to know about my people… There are many of us who are deviants from the norm. The amount of time and effort that went into my creation was immense, and many of the brightest minds produced by cybertron were involved in the process. This is a simple but useful quirk." She paused, as if considering something. "It is like how a cuttlefish or a chameleon changes its colors to match a surrounding. We are an adaptive race, it only makes sense to expand upon what we already have.” 

The woman was about to ask another question but was cut off by Epps. "C'mon, Sailor Moon, we gotta get moving. We ain't got all the time in the world." Kaminari cast him an irritated look, but hastily climbed into the cab of the big diesel.

 

_ Shockwave went over her specifications, her cna on display on the large monitor before him. _

_ “At a glance it seemed purely aesthetic, nearly useless. I was going to take it out in the final revision, but Starscream made an adequate case for it.” He said. His voice was deep, cold…. Where The Fallen’s voice was filled with malice, Shockwave’s voice was devoid of it. Devoid of anything. Anger, pride, joy.  _

_ Passionless. _

_ And all the more terrifying for it. _

_ For a long while, she had considered The Fallen her greatest fear, but Shockwave… Shockwave chilled her to her core in a way that the timeless manifestation of entropy did not. _

_ “Aesthetically pleasing to be sure,”  _ He  _ looked over at her from his seat at one of the consoles. He leaned back, crossing his legs. “But quite useful as well. One must always consider the optics of a situation after all…. Wouldn’t you agree, Virigo.” He caught her optics and gave her a mischievous grin.  _

_ And with Shockwave’s back turned, she couldn’t help but return a small smile and change the color of her plating. “Absolutely.” _

  
  


A sudden influx of information flooded her main processor, shocking her out of her thoughts. 

 

_ Primus she needed to get a grip _ . There was no use in reliving them… why couldn’t she force them out of her head _.  _

_ She needed a more disciplined mind. _

 

“This is the information that Lennox was able to collect, do any of the local reports match up with any decepticons you can recall?" Optimus' voice accompanied the data. "I have already screened the information. None of the survivors' descriptions match Starscream."

 

_ She needed more control. _

 

"He would never reveal himself so quickly in a conflict. He would be watching from the sidelines. Though he is strong, he prefers guile over brawn. Starscream is not stupid, he knows when to hide and when to show himself..." She carefully analyzed the reports, "One of them is Payload, there is no doubt about that,”  _ How could she forget. _ “One of the others sounds like Macerator, but I cannot positive about that. I am unsure about the third... sorry."

"There is no need to be apologetic, Vertigo. You did well in identifying 2 of them."

His praise created a warm glow in her spark, it was something that she still had not gotten used to. She had heard it so rarely from her creator…. And any praise he had given her had been for actions Vertigo was no longer proud of…. 

 

_ “Performing adequately.” _

 

Dirt and gravel flew out from beneath their tires, kicking up into the air in their wake as they drove along the unpaved road. Vertigo took up the rear with Ratchet, in front of them was Salvage with Beachbreak riding on his back, and in front of them was Ironhide. Optimus drove point, the humans within his chassis.

Vertigo was lost in her thoughts. What was Starscream up to in a place such as this? She knew him well. He had never been one for sightseeing… at least not when it came to landscapes. But what was he after? If he had really wanted to deal damage why hadn't Starscream headed for more populated areas like Kinshasa, Cairo, or, if he was dead set on Zambia then at least Lusaka? Why this rural location? What did he see here that she didn't?

She analyzed the reports again. They’d need to set up a permanent source of energon on this planet soon…. Mars was far too far to efficiently import energon from. The latitude and climate of this area leant itself well to solar farms… North there was the Victoria falls, a decent source of hydroelectric power… overall not the worst place to set up camp to begin synthesizing energon substitute. But it would stick out like a broken wing.

Maybe to frighten away tourists….

"We have a lock on their location!" Rang out Epp's voice after an hour of continuous driving. "They're only 2 kilometers ahead of us, we just need to turn left off the main road in about 200 feet."

"This is a main road?!" Vertigo could hear Dr. Kaminari's disbelief.

The distant roar of the Zambezi reminded her of a jet engine… the open road was nice, but it was nothing compared to the open skies. "Optimus Prime, should I scout out up ahead?" Inquired the femme hopefully.

"No, if all goes well we may not need your assistance." Came his reply.

His response caught her off guard. If he did not need her here then what was the point in asking in the first place. "... Are you certain?"

The Prime stated simply. "I am quite sure, Vertigo."

"...Very well." She sighed; She already knew reluctance tinged her voice.

 

_ He didn’t trust her.  _

_ Optimus Prime did not consider her a true autobot. _

 

Vertigo resigned herself to a long drive. At least it was better than being cooped up in a cargo bay like some sort of mindless machine…. 

They were getting closer; She could hear them up ahead, cybertronians could look like human vehicles but they never sounded the same. Didn’t smell the same either… not that humans could quite pick up on such subtleties. 

"I can see them. Yes, that is definitely Macerator and there is Payload.”

Something in her voice must have betrayed her feelings because Ironhide responded with an amused, "What did he do?"

 

_ The spit hit her cheek, and he kicked her to the ground, yanking his serrated blade from where it was lodged in her abdomen.  _

 

"I would prefer not to go into details." Vertigo ended the conversation, allowing the battle plans to flow freely into her mind. She veered off the road, coming to a full stop about 450 feet from the Zambezi river. Transforming, she stayed low, finding partial cover by a large boulder. Salvage was beside her in a moment, Beachbreak right behind him. Vertigo felt useless as Optimus, Ironhide, and Ratchet all charged into the river to meet the three decepticons. Missiles collided against the banks as their foes opened fire.  

Beside her, Beachbreak was moving around anxiously, irritated that he wasn't in on the action. Vertigo silently agreed with him, she would give anything to be helping to defeat the decepticons.

She was itching inside of her armor, electricity coursing quickly through her body. She wanted to fight, not to watch others. However she forced herself to stand still. She needed to maintain her control… she couldn’t afford to lose her cool. She wasn’t who she used to be. Her canon focused on Payload if anything went wrong, she was prepared, ready to intervene. 

 

_ “You’re pathetic… Not even worth my time.” _

 

The rush of the Victoria falls would have been deafening had she been a human… and it was just high enough to keep her from reliving... . She squeezed her optics shut. 

She needed control. 

_ It was years ago… _

Vertigo’s eyes shot open, focusing her gaze on Optimus Prime. Her spark settled. It couldn’t happen again. He would never let it…. And something inside of her steeled itself.

Finally turning her gaze to the skies once more, she still could not see Starscream. Where was he? What was he planning? Why wasn't he here? Were the decepticons they now faced even loyal to the seeker? If so, why wasn't he here with them?

Though it caused her relief to know that he wasn't here at the moment and that she wouldn't have to face him for now, it also grieved her to know that their hunt for him would still progress even if they didn't find him here in Zambia. Again, the question struck her, where could he be? The answer seemed simple in her mind: Starscream wanted to avoid confrontation. He didn't want to risk even a miniscule chance of losing his spark. He preferred others to do the work for him. He could wait for years until they had all but stopped looking for him. But by then, he would have no followers, a lone, grounded lilleth waiting for a turbofox to snatch it up. There was a reason he had shown himself to NEST. He had wanted to be discovered, which meant that this was more than likely a trap of some sort. Starscream had something up his sleeve, but what?

She couldn’t bring herself to try to get further into his mind. That was not a path that she wanted to go down… things were different now. 

_ She  _ was different.

No she had to focus on the logistics of the situation.

Cannons had given way to an awkward half-submerged wrestling match…. Probably conserving ammo. By the looks of it, the decepticons were taking the worst of the damage, missing opening that she knew they must have seen. Optimus Prime was good. Powerful. But Macerator could have easily countered that right jab. The more Vertigo watched them, the less sense it made. It almost appeared to her as if all the decepticons were doing was clinging to her comrades, weighing them down.

Fog was beginning to roll in and she cursed, looking for a good spot with a better angle. Besides the massive ravine that swallowed up the roaring falls, the area was nearly as flat as a board.

She heard Beachbreak mutter a low oath and turned to look at him; only he wasn't there. Instead, he was racing around in his terrestrial mode with the two foreign scientists on his back. They were firing at the decepticons... except Macerator who had disappeared along with their leader. They must have been swallowed up by the fog… The fog that surrounded the Victoria falls. It hadn’t been rolling in… they had just been dragged into it.

The answer hit her. _ Hard _ .

" _ Faeëxa _ !" The ancient curse left her mouth, and Vertigo surveyed the skies quickly, fearing the worst as Ironhide, Ratchet and the two other decepticons broke up. 

Her spark gave a lurch…. There  _ He _ was, mere seconds away. Starscream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Faeëxa - The language of the Primes' equivalent of Shit


End file.
